Chapter 3
What is Stress?
You are finally home after a long day at work. It's time to
relax. You ease yourself into your new sofa. Without even realizing it,
soon your mind is back at work. You think about how your day went: that
annoying customer; the ungrateful, greedy boss; the jealous, selfish
co-worker.
Finally, your husband arrives exhausted and complaining about all
of the annoyances he went through during the day. He also expresses his
worries about the bleak economic future for the family.
On the answering machine, you hear a reminder about your
appointment the next day with your doctor to discuss the result of your
biopsy. What if the biopsy turns out to be cancerous? A wave of shivers
runs through your body. In bed, you toss and turn but sleep is miles
away. At 2 am, you pop some sleeping pills and manage to get four hours
of sleep.
At the physician's office your biopsy report is fine, but your
weight is up, blood pressure is high and your blood sugar is also
borderline high. Later, on the way back to work, you can't help but
think about your dad, who couldn’t walk in his old age due to a stroke
caused by his high blood pressure and your mom, who lost her eyesight
because of diabetes.
Suddenly, you feel your heart pounding, chest tightening, and
body losing all of its strength. Next, you wake up in the emergency room
at a hospital ............
The Stress of daily living has horrendous consequences. Everyone
suffers from it to a certain degree. People reluctantly accept it. "This
is part of life and there’s nothing you can do about it."
In this way, they rationalize their stressful living.
Is it possible to be free of stress? Don't you need to fully understand
stress before you can be free of it? Stress comes in many forms. For the
sake of discussion, I divide stress into two types:
·
Outer stress
·
Inner Stress
Outer Stress
Outer stress is what we generally refer to when we talk of stress. This
is the stress due to an external factor, often out of our control, such
as loss of a loved one, losing a job, missing a flight.
These are basically situations which keep happening, one after another.
There are brief periods when we get some relief. You may think, “Ah!
Finally I have no stress,” but before you know it, some other stressful
situation arrives.
For example, after years of hard work, you finally have the ideal job
you always wanted. You have a nice house, a nice car and a wonderful
family. Then one day, you have a serious car accident and spend the next
several weeks on crutches. Finally, you’re back at work, but find out
that your company is in financial trouble. Soon, you’re laid off. Lack
of a job, obviously, creates a huge stress.
A few months later, your wife is diagnosed with cancer. While
she’s undergoing chemotherapy, you find out you need heart bypass
surgery. In the meantime, your teenager is having problems with
teachers. You find yourself a frequent visitor to the principal’s
office.
Another example: You finally reach the retirement that you’ve been
dreaming of for years. Soon after retirement, you discover that you have
prostate cancer, for which you undergo surgery. As a complication of
surgery, you can no longer control your urine. A few months later, your
wife falls, breaks her hip and ends up in the hospital. In the meantime,
your daughter calls to let you know that she is going through a divorce
and will need financial aid from you.
Well, you get the idea of the many types of outer stresses that we
encounter in our lives!
Inner Stress
Inner stress, on the other hand, is a different animal. It’s there all
the time. With few exceptions, everyone is suffering from it. It stays
with you wherever you go.
What is this inner stress? It’s the feeling of restlessness, agitation,
emptiness, worthlessness, sadness, boredom, frustrations, annoyances,
anger, hate, jealousy, guilt, fear, nervousness and anxiety.
Where does this inner stress come from? If you pay close attention,
you’ll find that this inner stress comes from your own inner voice,
the voice in your head that never stops even though you have nothing to
solve. Often you’re completely unaware of it. It’s like your mind is on
autopilot.
Some Examples:
- You’re home after work. Now’s the time to relax, but your mind keeps replaying all that happened at work: the demanding customers, the selfish boss, the insensitive co-workers.
·
You find yourself criticizing others even though you’re sitting alone.
·
You’re still trying to win the argument you had with your spouse, a week
ago… in your head.
·
You experience a low level of irritability when there is no obvious
reason for it.
·
You think to yourself: “No one, even my spouse, understands me. No one
really cares about me. They’re all only interested in my money.”
·
You feel the urge to keep doing something, even if you’re on a vacation
and supposed to be relaxing.
·
You push yourself constantly, even though you have many accomplishments.
You feel like you’re in the race all the time and you have to win at all
costs.
·
You feel dissatisfied and bored with your apparently successful life.
·
You become agitated over some political or social issue. Reading a
newspaper or watching the news makes you angry at the world.
·
No one understands your point of view, but you think you could save the
world if all the morons out there would only listen to you!
·
You’re on vacation but find yourself complaining about the flight, the
hotel, the food, the weather, the beach, the people, etc.
·
You feel low and depressed even though you have everything going for
you.
·
You feel rushed and tired all the time without any medical reason for
it.
·
You’re afraid of losing your job, your health, your looks, your
possessions, your respect, your fame, your credibility.
·
You’re afraid of losing planet Earth. The destruction of mankind is
looming.
·
You’re afraid that you may fail as a parent or a spouse. You feel you
may not be able to fulfill all responsibilities at home, at work or in
society at large. You’re afraid of being a failure.
·
You’re sad because you’ve been a failure in life. You have nothing to
show for all your struggles to succeed.
·
You’re furious because life has been so unfair to you.
·
You’re furious at publishers for not accepting your wonderful
manuscript.
·
You’re mad at your mother, father, unfaithful spouse, insincere friends
or elementary school teacher.
·
You’re mad at the teenagers of today. You believe the world is coming to
an end.
·
You hope for a better future.
·
You feel lucky to live in a particular city and a particular country and
deep down, you’re afraid that one day, you may lose your paradise.
·
You love your glorious past (because the present does not appear to be
so good).
·
You want to change the world the way you want (because you’re
dissatisfied with how things are at this moment).
·
You’re angry at people who look a certain way as well as those who
belong to certain religions or political parties you disapprove of.
·
Complaining is your favorite pastime.
·
You wish the world was a better place.
·
You feel frustrated you can’t kick your habits of excessive eating,
smoking, drinking or shopping even though intellectually, you understand
their harmfulness.
·
You hear a nagging voice in your head saying you’re not good enough,
you’re lazy, you’re a loser, you’ll be late again or you’ll embarrass
yourself.
·
You often hear these kind of
nagging voices in your head: what if, what will I, what may, this
should not have happened, or why didn’t
this happen, why didn’t I, why did I….
·
You’re mad at yourself. “How could I be so selfish, deceitful, immoral,
dishonest….”
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